What’s In It For Me?

Let’s talk about how to get the things you want in life…

First, let’s come to a little agreement as to what you want. It’s important to know exactly what you want before you can get it. The biggest mistake most people make is thinking they know what they want, and then when they get it, they realize they hate what they have achieved.

Not having a proper definition for success may even be the biggest reason for unhappiness in the world. Nothing is more frustrating than pushing hard for years to get to the wrong place in life. It makes you want to give up.

So, what do you REALLY want? This may seem like a very individual question, but in the vast majority of cases, it is not. Here is why…

Humans are basically hard-wired with the same psychology. In other words, we all have very similar hopes, desires, dreams, and fears. For the most part, we all want to be loved and give love. We want peace over conflict. We want to be happy. If we want to be happy and have peace, then why is there so much conflict in the world?

Here is why. Have you ever seen a really aggressive dog? One that is going ballistic—barking, growling, lunging at other dogs or even people? If you have, then you know how scary it can be. Well, did you know almost every dog that acts that way is acting out of FEAR?

What’s that? Impossible? Yes, it may seem impossible to you because that dog seems like the aggressor. He or she is going after the other dog or person. If they were scared, then wouldn’t the aggressive dog just run away instead?

Well, that’s how most dogs naturally react to fear. They want to get away. They give signs that humans do not pick up on or ignore, and humans put them in situations where they feel they cannot escape (like on a leash). They feel trapped and lash out. When they lash out, their owner usually pulls them away from the other dog or person they were afraid of. They quickly learn that acting aggressively gets them out of the fearful situation. So they do it more and more whenever they are afraid.

Dog behaviorists who understand this rehabilitate these fear-aggressive dogs by showing them they have a way out BEFORE they blow up and get aggressive. When they show these dogs they have another way out—and they are not trapped—they often become non-aggressive very quickly.

What does this have to do with you getting what you want in life? Simple. We humans react to fear too. Some people are paralyzed by fear, while others lash out with aggression. Whatever the reaction, it is a recipe for disaster.

The first thing you must understand is that there is a way out. There are ways to deal with fear that are productive. Most of the time, once you face your fear, it turns out to not be as bad as you thought it would be.

You will never reach true happiness if you are driven to act by fear. You must act from a place that is positive in nature. Nothing good can come from fear. So take a step back and identify your fears. That is the first step to real success and happiness.

Best,

Dr. Binder